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Saturday, January 21, 2023

How to survive a zombie apocalypse



And ravenous for humans,

The dead are rising from their graves.

The whole world is in a frenzy.

The infections are spreading fast

and it's overwhelming our defense.


Zombies have swarmed 

and pop culture all throughout history.

They're often depicted as insatiable,

reanimated corpses,

or infected people spreading a deadly virus.

Either way,

they're never in a good mood

to come back from the dead,

and they've got a craving for

fresh human flesh.


Here's a few tips that might save your skin,

and your brains.

Hunkering down in a city

might look like a good idea.

You can live in the fanciest buildings,

It won't be hard to find supplies,

and you'll have access to loads

and loads of food.

That's what I'm talking about.

But, food and supplies aren't the only things

you'll be swimming in.


Soon enough,

you could be surrounded

by thousands of zombies.

A study theorized that in a about 100 days,

humankind would fall to the apocalypse.

There would be less than 300 human survivors

and the zombies would outnumber us,

a million to one.


So, get out of the city

and as far away from populated areas

as humanly possible.

From what movies have told us,

zombies are terrible swimmers.

Finding refuge on a boat would

be your safest bet to get away from zombies.

And, whatever you do,

don't head straight to the gun store

once the news breaks out.

Sure, it may seem like a good idea

to defend yourself.

But, tons of panicking people

scrambling to arm themselves

doesn't make for a good situation.


In a stressful situation like this,

there's bound to be friendly fire,

and a number of misfires.

You're hurrying to get out of town,

but there aren't any bodies of water nearby.

Where should you go now?

Run to the hills.

Unfortunately,

you're stuck on land,

where the zombies have a better chance

of having you for dinner.


The next best place to go

are hilly, mountainous regions.

Hopefully, you won't run into a pack of zombies

that were hikers in their past lives.

Most zombies will have a hard time

wrapping their heads,

or lack of a head, around unstable terrain.

Once you've found an elevated spot,

you'll want to find a building made of

concrete, brick or metal.

Anything weaker,

like wood, drywall or glass

could easily be torn down

by a horde of zombies.


Fortify all of the entryways.

Barricade the doors with furniture,

board up the windows,

and block off your fireplace.

Santa won't be paying you a visit this year,

it could be a hungry ghoul

coming down your chimney.

All is quiet,

the final board is nailed in.

You're safe to breathe a sigh of relief.

But, you can't hide here forever.

You're going to have to head out

and gather some food and supplies.

Get ready.


Fashion a suit of armor

out of anything you can find.

Hockey pads,

gloves.

Oh, and a helmet to protect your brains.

After all,

it's better to look weird and be safe

than to be zombie chow.

Likewise,

arm yourself with anything you can find

to protect yourself.


When in doubt,

always stay away

and avoid fighting the zombies.

You should only use your weapons

if they get a little too close for comfort.

Don't drive to the supermarket,

the loud noise could alert the zombies to you.


Again, you're going to want to

avoid densely populated areas,

so your trip to the store

doesn't turn into a bloody one.

Gather enough bottled water

and non-perishable items,

like canned foods,

to last you a minimum of a few weeks.

Stock up on important medications,

first-aid supplies,

and emergency supplies

such as batteries,

a cell phone,

and a radio.

Look for warm clothes

and bedding to keep you comfortable too.

It might get a little chilly

if there's no one around

to keep the electricity and heating running.


You're done gathering the supplies.

But, there are a lot more zombies outside

than when you first arrived.

There's nowhere to go.

You're going to have to get up close

and personal with these ankle biters.

You might be able to handle

one or two zombies,

but there are way too many out there to fight.


Try to hide until they leave,

or create a distraction.

But if all else fails,

you're going to have to

stroll with the walking dead

and you're going to have to smell like them too.


Camouflaging yourself in zombie flesh

or guts could mask your smell

from the zombies,

letting you walk right past them.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Researchers even concocted a perfume

to help camouflage against zombies.

They call it, Eau de Death.

Ah, how romantic.

It uses two chemical compounds

that a decomposing body produces,

putrescine and cadaverine.


The result, well,

smells like rotting flesh.

Maybe we could just arm ourselves

with bottles of Eau de Death

in a zombie apocalypse.

You made it out bite-free.

Now, let's wash off these zombie guts.


While hordes of hungry zombies

might seem far-fetched,

there are lots of other things

in the world that could eat us.

How would you deal

with a piranha feeding frenzy?

Don't worry, I have just the  article to help.


https://youtu.be/T_7oXlqIyzA

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